Saw Dr. Rodier again today. Immediately afterward I went to Dr. AC’s anthropology office. Empty again. Fuck it, I said. I’m going to find him.
Last week his graduate student J told me that he was Associate Dean of Arts now, spending most of his time at the Arts and Science administrative building. So that’s where I went. At the reception, I asked straight up if I could see AC. Errr, what for? asked the young, reluctant receptionist. About a course, I told him. Do you have to see him, could you maybe talk to me instead? he asked. No, it has to be him, I replied. Well, what is it about? I mean, he’s the Associate Dean, he isn’t that available. I stood my ground admirably. After all, I knew AC personally, I have a rapport with the man. I can see him if I very well please. I explained the situation. Couldn’t you email him? asked the fellow. He hasn’t returned my calls, doesn’t answer his emails, he’s never at the anthropology department. He’s a very hard man to get a hold of. He paused. Alright, I’ll go see if he’s in his office. He came out again a moment later and told me to step inside, He’ll see you. Last door to the left.
I was nervous. Dr. AC had been a phantom to me, a spectre for some months. There he finally was, in the flesh, sitting in the corner of a large, clean, brightly lit office. It was slightly surreal. His hair was shorter. He looked better and happier than ever. An idealized AC in an idealized office. [My name], he said in his even-toned cheerfulness. Have a seat. I obliged. We chatted, he seemed pressed for time, but was happy to discuss everything I asked about. He’s a very attentive fellow. He’d gotten all my work, graded it, and submitted the grades. They hadn’t shown up yet for some administrative reason, but would soon. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. He was apologetic, very nice about it. I told him I’d been worried. I told him all I needed were those two courses to get admitted to graduate school. We’ll get you graduated. I asked him what he thought about my papers. We decided on a meeting on Thursday, at his lab. I left happy, relieved. I’m a bit nervous about his evaluation of the papers, but I shouldn’t be. His input is quite valuable, and we could have an excellent discussion about the topics I wrote about. At any rate, all of the papers I submitted to him met my own standard. They were quality papers.
I went straight to the office of the biology graduate coordinator. She didn’t look that happy to see me. Then again, she never looks happy. I handed her my forms — I’m going to be a teaching assistant! I told her the situation, and she said she’d hold off on my application until my grades came in. (Unless that took too long). Right now, it looks like I’m in.
Everything turned out pretty good.
I’ve had a mostly shitty year, and it was mostly because of my courses and my grad studies application. Everything is pretty much resolved now. I doubt AC knows how much agony I went through. And he shouldn’t know, because he doesn’t deserve that guilt. My future looks bright. I’m going somewhere.
However I’ll need to go contact Dr. AC. Fucker…